Wednesday, February 12, 2014

A day off

Ocassionally, we take a day off of school in the middle of the week. Sometimes it's that the day has completely overwhelmed us or something suddenly urgent occurs. And, unfortunately, I tend to stress out about the whole thing. Apparently, somewhere in my  disorganized, control-seeking mind, an unplanned day is a waste of a day.

I've taken "days off" of school because I've let other priorities that precedence...groceries, errands, commitments to others. So, days off for the Vikings are hardly days off for me. They've still been packed to the gills with alternative stressors.

My body has been trying to tell me that it is breaking down from all this running at top speed , guns a-blazin' busy. And, I feel awful. 

Without going into much detail, there seems to be something "off" with nearly every system in my body one way or another. Nothing definitive but taken all together? Something is going on. 

I could blow it off as getting older. God knows my 30-something male doctor thinks many of my textbook symptoms of pre-menapause are no big deal. But, in the last 36 hours, there's been a bit of a defining moment where I suddenly panicked.

There really could be something major going on.

So, today, I took a day off. Other than making a small meal and taking the Vikings to two outside activities, I haven't done a darn thing. Other than make a doctor appointment for Monday.

And, ya know what? It was a 98% yell-free day.

I've been reassuring myself that everthing is fine -I just need to work harder, work better, work faster - that I've convinced myself I don't need rest, that nothing is wrong, and that I don't need to take care of myself. I'm fine.

But, I'm not. And, I am gonna take one small step to try to change that.

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