I'm gonna have to go hour but hour to ever feel like I'm making any progress.
My ineffectual coping, my weaknesses have become like an addiction that I have to be hyper-vigilant, hyper-conscious about minute to minute and hour to hour.
Our day went wonderfully today...
until it didn't.
Chores. Playing. To-do's. School.
But, then I get stressed. I'm tired of answering questions. I'm tired of their delays. I just need them to MOVE and do what I told them.
That was the beginning of the end. From then on, I'm walking a hair-trigger stress to get stuff done, be places on time, balancing, completing, crossing stuff off, etc.
And the noise! My noise sensitivity starts. I can't think. I can't talk. I can't finish anything with the noise, interruption, distraction. They're just being kids. It's only a question from my hubby but I'm irritated by it all.
School suffers. Relationships suffer. I don't get anything done. And, I feel like a failure.
I'm so far under and beneath the trees that the forest is just a dream I can't quite even picture yet.
And, in the meantime, I'm wasting their precious days at home.
This wasn't what I wanted. This isn't what it was supposed to look like.
But, I don't know how to stop.